Formed in 2017, Londoners Southbank Crows are pop rockers who met at a blind audition. It must have been really weird then to discover that they clearly share an affinity for the avian. Is it a coincidence that they are with ‘Skyfire Productions’? Surely not. Wait… a blind audition for what I wonder? * moves the wine glass to the side… I hope it isn’t that naked show.
The founding members are Will Bright (lead vocal and guitar) and Patrick McCann on keyboard who met in, well, Southbank and formed the band with Take Hofstra on bass and drummer Ryan Fielder on drums. However, Take left in 2019 to be replaced by Matt Willis. They have toured extensively in the last three years playing various festivals and even supporting Scouting For Girls. ‘Paradise Park is their first full length album after the release of singles ‘SW9th’ and ‘Paradise Park’ in summer, 2019 before the COVID chaos.
I like coffee, very much. So, I approached the track, ‘Coffee Talk’ with a certain level of anticipation but the track is very pop with sugary sweet harmonised vocals and tinkling keys. What is more, I don’t get the message. Something about keeping each other grounded, you are repeatedly asked to “guess what?”. What??! If I’m honest I’m a bit nonplussed. I figure it’s a sad breakup song but I still can’t guess what the point is to that lyric. ‘Runaway Boots’ is a similar feel, with some excruciatingly high vocals from McCann. Ah, ‘Drinking For Two’ sounds good. Except it doesn’t really. It’s far too well enunciated for a song about drinking. ‘Prescription For Fun’ is the same, it’s not fun. Lyrics crammed in though they don’t quite fit, similar sounds. I’m losing interest fast.
Searching through the rest of the album I can’t find anything that stands out to me. Except ‘1982’ which flashes back to 2012 when “I met you once” and “you said you’d moved back into your mums”. Take the hint Will – she’s trying to get away.
Look, if you listen, past the sickly pop tone and cheesy lines to the vocal harmonies and musical arrangement, there is something there. Southbank Crows’ first self-titled EP had over 100,000 streams. Will can sing, Patrick can play keyboard well. Can’t they just play something else? The soft, southern sounding (no offense intended) limp-wristed rock is excruciating. It’s like rom-com film music.
I just can’t get past the idea that they sound like they are trying to be rock heart-throbs. Except they’re not teenagers or… well. There’s a reason there are no real rock boy bands. It’s because boy bands tend to be manufactured fuckwits. So, if you actually have a bit of talent, be that vocally or artistically, why would you go there? Grow a set of big hairy bollocks. You can still tell heartfelt stories from an adult male point of view. Wait, that’s it! They sound like Nickelback! They’re aiming for the housewives. Lock up your mothers…
- ‘Paradise Park’ is released today (Tuesday 18 August). You can get your copy HERE.
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