Chosen by Monk
Well, it’s inevitably come to that time of year, when we all pretend to be nice to each other and smile inanely while granny presents you with another inanely bright pair of socks that are the size you wore when you were six before getting smashed on the eggnog and Buckie and proclaiming “what a nice man” that bloke with the big ears on the telly is and then collapsing face first into the remains of the sherry trifle, while granda somehow manages to set his party hat on fire and the kids complain the Xbox games you scrimped and saved to download are “so last year” and retreat to their bedrooms in a huff… Well, never fear: the Singles Club is here to save the day and provide the soundtrack to while away the hours it takes to incinerate the overpriced turkey and figure out how many days you can survive on the leftovers… all washed down with the bottle of that cheap supermarket brandy you swore was for the pudding:
Absinthe Green ‘Satan Baby’ (Self-Released)
We kick off with the first of a number of re-imaginings of holiday classics, in this case a dark and unapologetic twist, quite literally in terms of the anagrammatic title, drowning in cynicism and soaked in sarcasm as it rips away the glittery pretence of the “season to be jolly”:
Albert Hammond ‘Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer’ (earMUSIC)
The veteran crooner, known for hits like ‘It Never Rains in Southern California’ and ‘One Moment in Time’ follows up his standalone 1989 Christmas single with the first full-length seasonal special of his 50+ year career, of which this was the first slice of cheese to be offered up as an appetizer for the forthcoming festivities:
All For Metal ‘All For Metal Is Coming To Town’ (Reigning Phoenix Music)
The tongue-in-cheek German power metallers deliver a suitably fun twist on the traditional seasonal anthem, giving it their own entertaining and grin(ch)-inducing treatment:
Blind Boys Of Alabama & Jay Buchanan ‘I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day’ (Sacred Tongue Recordings)
The charismatic Rival Sons frontman teams up with the gospel legends for this soulful and reflective rendition of the 19th Century Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poem with its timeless central message of “peace on earth and good will to all men:
BROS ‘Hot Christmas’ (Dine Alone Records/Right On Records)
Now, before you think we’ve imbibed too much sherry and gone totally doolally, this is not THAT Bros, although there is a fraternal connection as this is first of two contributions from brothers, Ewan and Shamus Currie, which is a slice of Santana-meets-Ricky Martin Latin-pop tinged escapism and a typically tongue-in-cheek offering from the siblings:
Desert Kites ‘Once More Around The Sun’ (SODEH Records)
This alternative take on the seasonal message from this Dundee duo has its origin back in the half-Christmas of the 2020 lockdown but is only now getting a timely release to reflect crises here at home, in eastern Europe and the Middle East, with the band confidently declaring that it “could be one of the best Christmas songs written in the last 10 years”
Emerald Sunday ‘I Wish The World Would Sing’ (Self-Released)
These Scottish rockers could well get their Christmas wish with this mournful and soulful but ultimately optimistic ballad which could comfortably stand alongside anything produced by countrymen such as Big Country or Feeder:
Exoneration ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/Mary Did You Know?’ (Rottweiler Records)
This Christian-centric US-Netherlands deathcore duo are preparing to release their debut album early next year but, in the meantime, deliver their message with this uncompromising interpretation of the two Yuletide favourites:
Finish Ticket ‘White Christmas’ (Better Noise Music)
The alt-rockers round out their tenth anniversary with this stripped-back, wistful version of the Bing Crosby classic which captures the inherent melancholy which many seem to miss in the song’s introspection:
Frog ‘Did Santa Come’ (Audio Antihero/Tapewormies)
These two New York brothers combine alt-country with lo-fi indie pop on their first new release since their 2023 “comeback” album, and is inspired by singer/guitarist Daniel Bateman’s young son and his enthusiasm for this time of year:
Gama Bomb ‘A Coffin For Christmas’ (Prosthetic Records)
A typically anarchic seasonal offering from Ireland’s favourite madcap thrashers, but also one with a seriously underlying message as its release is in support of the charity Doctors Without Borders:
Jethro Tull ‘Jack Frost And The Hooded Crow’ (InsideOut Music)
Not exactly a “new” song, but rather a remix of one of the original tracks featured on the band’s Christmas album back in 2003, now given the modern day remastering treatment by Bruce Soord and rebranded to mark the 21st anniversary of what was the band’s 21st studio album (also their last to feature long-time guitarist Martin Barre):
Luminare Christmas ‘You Look Like Christmas’ (Frontiers Music)
Like the man in the red suit, this is a band that can only really come around once a year, and so here they are again with this heartfelt ballad from their latest pomp rock vision of what it takes to make this the season of jollity:
Ricky Warwick ‘All I Want For Christmas… Is Christmas’ (Earache Records)
The Belfast troubadour enlists the help of The Cult’s Billy Duffy and his old friend Joe Elliott to harken back to the simpler, joyous innocence of his youth when, as he affirms, he “always hoped, in vain, that it would snow on Christmas Eve, the only day of the year when my parents could get me to go to bed early so Christmas Day would arrive faster!“:
The Plague ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’ (FiXT)
This certainly seems to have been the most popular festive favourite to have been given various makeovers this year, and this version sees future punk producer/engineer David Adam Monroe giving it a darkened, post-apocalyptic transformation which gives a sense of impending doom as to the consequences of finding yourself on the “naughty list”:
The Sheepdogs ‘Santa Man’ (Dine Alone Records/Right On Records)
Our second contribution from the Currie brothers, Ewan and Shamus, is an altogether more rock ‘n’ roll affair, a blues-infused retro ‘banger filled with horns and swing enough to get those hips a groovin’, even after a second-slice of momma’s homemade Christmas pudding:
TrollfesT ‘Doomsday Christmas Song’ (Self-Released)
More typically tongue-in-cheek madness from the eight self-described “pioneers of true Norwegian Balkan metal”. We’ll leave it to guitarist John “Mr. Seidel” Sagstad to introduce the song:
No one wanted or needed it, but the folly of mankind has forced our hand! We present to you a catchy, timely Christmas track that captures the world’s rising anxieties and a sense of looming uncertainty. With doomsday seemingly closer, this song asks if we can still find the joy to celebrate Christmas and look forward to a brighter New Year. Perfectly positioned to be December’s earworm, it balances holiday cheer with a thought-provoking twist on the season’s spirit.
Vulgarithm ‘Christmas Time With Vulgarithm’ (Self-Released)
A special seasonally-themed alternate version of a track initially intended for his upcoming debut album, the producer continues to blend metal riffs and hardcore clubland beats into a sound he describes as “riff rave”:
Whiteabbey ‘The Neverending Story’ (Metalopolis Records)
Our penultimate selection is not quite a “Christmas song” in the exact sense of the phrase, but a timely and suitably bombastic reworking of the Limahl seasonal favourite by the Northern Ireland symphonic rockers, released to mark the 40th anniversary of the movie to which it provided the title track:
Yachtley Crëw ‘It’s Christmas Time’ (Mailboat Records)
We end in suitably cheesy style, as this seven-piece SoCal outfit have been instrumental in their resurrection of the “yacht rock” subgenre, and have just released their second EP, the cleverly titled ‘Seas And Greetings’, which sees them deliver their unique take on four covers, including this rendition of the old Status Quo chestnut:
So, all that remains is to wish you all the best in whatever way you celebrate/mark the events of the next few days, and we’ll see you on the other side, hangovers permitting \m/
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