By Jonny Bakes

Artwork for Planet Of The Beavers by Belarus BeaverIt would appear that I’ve somehow ended up with some kind of reputation at ÜRHQ which has resulted in me being the first port of call for this album from self-styled “Beavergrind” band, Belarus Beaver. I did think that I might lodge a complaint about this prejudice but decided that I might as well get my teeth into this and see what the fuss is about.

It may surprise you to learn that this is not Belarus Beaver’s first album of grindcore songs all about beavers. Their debut EP, ‘DAMnation’, was unleashed unto the world to put the “Swedish Beavergrind” genre on the map. Now, just over a year later, this beaver-obsessed duo are back at it again with ‘Planet of the Beavers’. I’ve always been a fan of a good ridiculous gimmick, so this is right up my street and I’m keen to see just how many songs about beavers 2 guys can write…

The song titles range from the ridiculous to the fucking absurd, and raise some serious questions about the sanity of LG (Pissboiler) and Pos (Öldöds, Sign of Cain). Seriously, we have such delights as ‘Zombies Killed Jesus’, ‘When God Made Beavers He Fucked Us All’ and not forgetting ‘Beaver Divisions’ (which is already up on youtube with a beaver photoshopped into a trench scene). It’s pretty clear that this is not music to be taken seriously, which is just how I like it!

Musically… well, it’s grind, innit. All 12 tracks on this album are crammed into 20 minutes (and that includes some short skits/sound clips, including one from Zombeavers… I think) so you can expect short, fast songs with enough blast beats to shake an entire dam’s worth of sticks at. Think along the lines of Napalm Death and Carcass and that pretty much covers what we’ve got here. The vocals are sufficiently brutal and the guitars downtuned and heavy and there’s not much more to say than that.

I thought about trying to describe some of the tracks in detail, but I think really this is the kind of ridiculousness you just have to listen to in order to really appreciate it. But let’s just say you’ll probably never look at beavers the same way again and probably look at the vicious little bastards with an air of caution from now on.

Overall, well what can I say? It’s outlandish, heavy and just pure ridiculousness and that’s exactly why I love it. What someone really needs to do is hook Belarus Beaver up with Raised by Owls for a perfect storm of nonsensical grind. If you’re looking for something serious, then i have no idea why you would even look at this album, with its cover depicting beavers on the moon, and think “yeah this is for me”… It’s not. Just put it down and walk away. But if, like me, you thrive on dumb shit, then throw some money at Belarus Beaver to show your appreciation (by buying the album that is, they’re not strippers).

  • ‘Planet of the Beavers’ is released on 27 November. You can get your copy HERE.

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