Onslaught Tour Diary – Entry 3 – On The Road In Mexico
Written by Jeff Williams
Saturday, 25 September 2010 05:00
Mexico!!!!……….56 hours of travelling in 5 days, (Newport-London-Houston-Mexico City-San Luis Potosi-Mexico City-Guadalajara-Mexico City-Toronto-London-Newport) very little sleep, sound problems …… err no monitors. I shit you not, okay well there were monitors on the stage, but apart from something to put your foot up on they did very little in the way of producing any usable sounds! So bad in fact that in Mexico City the low end rumble and fuck all else emitting from these wedges of doom meant that for the first time ever we abandoned the first song a few bars in and left the stage in order for the sound guys to get their act together and sort the problems out.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, equipment problems, communication problems, a stomach bug, that’s diarrhoea folks!!! Red-hot liquid shit shooting from your chewed blood orange ass like lava out of Talos’ ankle (yup managed to get a ‘Jason and the Argonauts’ reference in there! Ha ha!)
And that was caused by a pizza that the promoter supplied for us at the second show. A pizza! All the way to Mexico and the promoter gets us a fucking pizza, which gives me the shits!!! HA HA HA!!!! I’ve been shovelling all sorts of tasty god only knows local delicacies down my neck for the first few days with no problems what so ever…. then a pizza!!!! a pizza I tell you!!! Hmmm….
Oh and if you let me digress for just one second, I found it quite surreal quoting ‘Withnail and I’ with the fully corpse painted and six inched nailed singer of Gorgoroth just before we went on stage! Yup very odd!
Okay digression over back to the synopsis…
Pissing into a carrier bag on the bus (moving at speed) at four in the morning and chucking it out the window before the bag split (living the dream! my mum would be so proud. I can remember looking at the gatefold of Kiss Alive II at the local record shop in Abertillery when I was a kid and thinking, wow, that’s what I wanna do with my life, and now here I am! Thank you Gene!). Wiping my arse with my own underpants (thinking about that, I guess it’s far more preferable than wiping your arse with someone else’s underpants), festering in the sweaty heat with no cold water to be seen for fucking miles, migraines, fever, some of the worst toilets I have ever seen at any venue in the world ever (folks were shitting on the floor in preference to using the filthy, stinking bogs!), getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, the earth tremors and, then, then there was the people who came to the shows!!!!
Yes you, you crazy mother fuckers, you who turned up and thrashed and pitted and moshed it up like the insane fucking maniacs that you are and made us feel so damn welcome made the whole fucking trip so damn worthwhile!!!!
Thank you Mexico!!!!……………You fucking rock!!!!
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