Diary of ‘Danger’ from Wolfsbane Pt. 2
Written by Steve Danger
Friday, 16 December 2011 05:00
Cardiff Clwb Ifor Bach 29th November
They’ll keep a Welcome in the hillside
Welsh Wales, Stereophonics, Tom Jones, Cerys Mathews, Charlotte Church, Dame Shirley Bassey and Catherine Jenkins. All piss heads the lot of em. And what of the WOLFSBANE Welsh crowd? All fuckin piss heads the lot of them.
Blinding gig, I played all the right songs in all the right places and finally got them all right YAYYYY!!! It’s only taken me 20 odd years 10 kids 4 divorces and an ASBO to do it but I did. So it was major party time in the club after. Dad dancing to modern tunes like that new 
fangled noisy music by Metal licker I think they’re called and that Slayer guff. I showed those youngsters some new hip moves. Down with the kids like Gary Glitter.
I thought it was just like back in the day, thought some girl wanted me in the toilet. But disappointed when I realised she thought I worked there and wanted directions to the toilet. They keep asking for Charlie too. How the fuck am I supposed to know who he is?
Woke up alone in my room Blaze had gone. I wondered if it was because of my snoring. Or if I’d tried to fuck him in my drunken slumber, or the suspect brown stains all over the bed sheets. (Maybe we did have back door slamming in the night).
Had a shower then went to breakfast. Blaze was already down there and he explained the stains…..
Off we set to sunny Southampton famous for seafaring and the Titanic. The day was going fine until I discovered someone had wanked into my ice cream. And I thought it was Jelly Tots but it turns out to be Smarties.
Stix has just called me a horrible disgusting man again. I’m starting to wonder if he’s telling the truth.
Southampton Joiners 30th Nov
Don’t be tempted by those mini fridges with tubs of ice cream in them at service stations. The ice cream is probably frosted (not the sexual splatter type) it was fucking horrid.
Anyhow got to Joiners early as I needed some dry cleaning doing. No one there so off to the pub then.
This boozer The Kingsland Tavern looks a tad suspect; the bad painting on the board over the window through which I reckon someone was persuaded to leave, and a shelf full of Gold Label doesn’t fill me with confidence.
The Joiners is a proper old style venue, dressing rooms are the converted living space. Gig gets packed and it’s hot as Hell. Gig was well good, I did a little sick while I was playing, couldn’t do the full yakk as I wouldn’t have been able to stop. The only thing I could do was chew it down, shouldn’t have eaten that pasta earlier.
Gig over, we all looked like we’d had a shower but it was all sweat. Curry for some I didn’t eat or drink cos I was feeling ropey.
It’s now the morning I feel fine tho’ odd as I’m not hung over. Daytime TV is wank!!
London Islington Academy 1st Dec
Obsessive Compulsive who were the main support on this tour are luverlee folks and a great band.
It was their drummer Danny21st birthday. Jase presented him with a cake he had lovingly decorated with a green cock.
The opening act Bad Touch was good too with the singer rocking a dashing musketeer look.
The show was a stormer including a short skirt, stocking wearing dancer/stage diver. The only time it’s a good view for a drummer 🙂 then got piss twatted to various disco and metal tunes in the van.
Now I’m shaking like a shitting dog with Billy Ocean’s Red Light going round my head. The fuckin glamour.
Come On Hard Rock Hell let’s see what you’ve fuckin got. What ever it is I’ll take double…….why are the soles of my feet aching and my hands look like I’ve been wanking with sandpaper? ‘Rock n Fukin Roll’
Kyles on and Brian just piped up. “Look at that snaggletoothed crack whore. This is the only programme you can’t have a wank to.”
Pretty accurate observation I reckon.
Hard Rock Hell Prestatyn 2nd Dec
PRESFUCKINTATYN……My fucking God how good was that shit?
Great time for us to go on stage. Amazing reaction from the crowd. If we didn’t take the roof off, there’s a team of Lederhosen adorned workmen up there repairing the damage we caused.
Fuckin’ great on stage sound, Blaze was like a man possessed. Then partying till cunt o’clock. Thanks to Ginger for leaving all his booze behind as he was flying to Helstinki. Us and Obsessive Compulsive made short work of that.
Then the band I’ve waited 15 years to see THERAPY? Demolished the building and my liver and kidneys. Fucking amazing night. I thank you all. Collapse drunk about 4am. Winner!
Birmingham Academy 3rd Dec
Saturday is Metal day in my books. Started by buying a load of Magners as to stave off any chance of sobriety. Lots of random shouting of Happy Metal day to anyone I saw. In just my boxer pulled up to my nipples in a comedic Simon Cowell stance. Displaying a fine man camel toe………..The journey wasn’t the most pleasurable.
Soundcheck done cut the bandages off my fingers head off to the buffty pub as Brian calls it. The Wellington for a few ales.
The gig was fucking great. Sold out. Closest to home gig we played, lots of friends and relations in the crowd.
Another mental gig. Back to the bufty pub where the two owners kept the laughter coming till they threw us out. On to the hotel to carry on until 3am. Early night.
Oxford Academy 4th Dec
Ah the gleaming spires of Oxford, home of the intellectual elite of this green and pleasant gland.
Here’s a question if these people are so intelligent. Why are they the biggest Stupidest CUNTS ON THE PLANNET??
There is not one time I’ve been to Oxford and not wanted to kill some FUKIN’ pissed up dumb CUNT ‘stewdent’ If you’re going to ride your fuckin wanky black push bike all over the road, wearing all black and no lights. Cos you’re a ‘legend’ please don’t get upset if I mow you down because I didn’t see you as its FUCKING NIGHT AND YOU’RE AS GOOD AS INVISIBLE. Yeah! Real intelligent. FUCKING PRICK!!!
That said I do like Oxford! Atomic Burger shit load of pubs pretty scenery. There’s a lot worse places in the World. Brian the drivers stomping ground. Stumpy from the Almighty turned up!!! Oh deary, deary me. I saw Gallows in the Academy 2 with Frank hanging from the rafters blood pouring down his face a good night.
Was a tad apprehensive as this hadn’t sold as well as the other shows. But a healthy walk up crowd laid my fears to rest. The show went off like a hot bottle of Champers that’s been shaken like a porn star going for the money shot. I heard Stumpy heckle Blaze. Kelli from Obsessive got up and sung Ezy with us. Metal salutes on high on to the drinking, drug taking, bestiality, S&M and bondage.
We had a FUCKIN’ great tour a FUCKIN’ great time. Roll on the festivals and the next TOUR. Howling Mad Shitheads. You fuckin’ betchya. LOVE YOU ALL (esp the laydeez).
Steve Doctor Danger. Dx.
To be continued????
Follow Steve’s ongoing challenge to save the world continues over on the band’s official website.
Photo Kudos: ‘Danger at HRH’ courtesy of Tessa Blakout