BOOK REVIEW: ‘Dear Mr. Pop Star’ – Derek & Dave Philpott (Unbound)

Written by Jim Rowland
Sunday, 21 October 2018 04:20

Back in 2015 I reviewed an Über-rated book called ‘Dear Mr. Kershaw: A Pensioner Writes’ by Derek Philpott, a bonkers compendium of letters supposedly written by a disgruntled pensioner to various pop and rock stars, berating them for lyrical mishaps or song title inaccuracies, many of which received genuine replies. Three years later, Mr. Philpott is back for more with ‘Dear Mr. Pop Star’, this time written with the help of his son Dave. But will this sequel be an ‘Empire Strikes Back’ or a ‘Jaws: The Revenge’?

In reality, the whole Derek Philpott thing was born from a cult internet sensation that has been going for the best part of ten years now and has a whole online community built around it, so these books are printed page compilations of the best bits – although, having said that, this volume has in excess of 350 pages to read through. It also gives a little more insight into the author(s), stating that Derek and Dave Philpott are indeed nom de plumes ‘of two ordinary members of the public, working with help from a worldwide social networking community’. And in true rock’n’roll spirit, this printed version has been funded by crowd funding through the Unbound organisation.

The letters contained cover a huge spectrum of pop and rock musicians, from pop to rock to prog to metal to punk and beyond, from the Sixties to the Noughties. The vast majority have genuine replies from the ‘victims’, many of which are just about as funny as the letters themselves. The likes of The Skids’ Richard Jobson and Doctor & The Medics’ Clive Jackson give wonderfully self-deprecating responses, in keeping with the whole spirit of the thing; some seem to take it a little more seriously, and some, like The Human League and Dave Stewart, seem to write a small book of their own in reply.

With this being Über Rock, perhaps I’ll pass on the likes of Johnny Hates Jazz or Heaven 17 and give a small insight into some of the more rock oriented letters as examples. One of my favourites concerns Saxon being questioned rather sternly about whether the combination of two fabrics such as denim and leather really can produce a large gathering of like-minded music fans in the same vicinity, a notion that Graham Oliver defends stoutly in his reply. Deep Purple’s Roger Glover gets slightly aggressive when berated for boasting of breaking the speed of sound in ‘Highway Star’, which is considerably in excess of the statutory speed limit in this country. And whilst on the Purple theme, Ian Gillan gets a bit technical about the correct method of shed construction when questioned about Gillan’s ‘Born To Kill’ and whether taking a piece of wood, joining it to another piece of wood and doing it all again would actually result in the construction of a little wooden house at all. KK Downing argues that it is really possible to live after midnight, and Van Der Graaf Generator’s Peter Hamill gives an interesting insight into what a plague of lighthouse keepers actually is.

That’s scratching the surface of this book, there really is so much in it. It’s the type of humour that would very much appeal to fans of the Viz comic, and at times you would imagine Monty Python’s Graham Chapman standing there in full military uniform shouting ‘right, stop that, it’s silly!’

Aside from the letters and replies, as with the first book, there’s plenty of short snippet ‘postcard’ messages to artists which do not receive replies, many of which are laugh out loud funny. Take a postcard to a Mr. A Cooper of Detroit as an example, advising him in no uncertain terms that if his telephone is indeed ringing whilst he is driving in his car now, he needs to ensure he does not accept the call unless he is wearing a blue tooth headset or utilising an appropriate hands-free kit. Equally, a Mr E. John is sternly advised that in fact no night is alright for an altercation.

My favourite postcard from the first book was one to a Mr J. Priest concerning the song ‘Exciter’, and questioning that if everything he touches fries into a crisp, what would happen if Exciter actually touched a crisp? Superbly in this volume KK Downing actually answers that question. What’s the answer? You’ll have to read the book to find out…

‘Dear Mr. Pop Star’ is an original, very funny and very silly book. If you’re looking for that elusive ‘cool’ Christmas present this year, this may well be it.

• ‘Dear Mr. Pop Star’ by Derek and Dave Philpott is out now. You can get your copy HERE.

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