No Sugarcoating & No Bullshit: March
Written by Jo Hayes
Sunday, 30 March 2014 03:30
Hello Uber Rockers. Another month another blog of pure nonsense for you to enjoy (hopefully anyway!)
My theme for this month stemmed from me being quite unwell, and thinking about my lifestyle, and if I could change anything, and how it’s changed in the past ten years (don’t worry, the music link will be revealed in maybe a few lines time). Now I love Rock ‘n’ Roll, which goes without saying really, as if I didn’t, then why would I be writing for Uber Rock?
My lifestyle doesn’t involve drowning my cereal in JD, chain smoking forty Marlboro Reds, and smashing my Les Paul to bits, but yes I do like a drink, I like to smoke (not Marlboro Reds though, as I like to be able to breathe afterwards). I love guitars, tattoos, gigs, and I like to go crazy on eyeliner from time to time, but I’m generally chilled out now – for the most part because I have to be, but I used to go a bit crazy and live fast before I got unwell, which maybe contributed to my health.
Hangovers were a part of my life for half the week or more, but then I used to go to gigs for over half the week, we’d drink cheap cider and shots, we’d chain smoke (still no Marlboro reds, lights if I had the money, otherwise roll-ups), I’d feel like shit in the morning, but it became the norm (I still feel hung-over in the mornings now even if I don’t drink, so I know no better!)
When I was seventeen, I decided to move out when my parents broke up, and I was hardly at home anyway, so it made sense. The place I moved into was a derelict house, being let out by a so-called letting agent, it seemed an absolute steal at £230 per month (mega cheap for Brighton), and someone who had previously lived there deleted our house off the water board, so no water bills to pay. I didn’t know the house was derelict, it looked a bit run-down (maybe I was a naïve person then), I moved in a rush, only viewing the house once, in the evening, after having a few cans, and a bit of weed (for medicinal purposes…*cough*), when I got there I found out that the drinking water tap in the kitchen didn’t work, so I asked my housemate why the “letting agents” couldn’t fix it, and he kept avoiding the question, until the “letting agents” called round one evening after work, to inform us that we were being evicted.
That was then I found out why the rent was so cheap, aside from it being a total dump, and the original “tenancy agreement” was from 1995, and when people had left, they had just got their friends to move in, rather than removing the old tenants, and adding the new tenants. The “letting agents” seemed perfectly fine with this bizarre arrangement, until a tenant who had lived there a year or two previously had rent arrears, so they were evicting us (which made no sense, but there you go).
I asked the “letting agents” about the drinking water tap, and they said it wasn’t their responsibility. After finding out all of this, and after only paying one month’s rent, I’d figured out what they were doing was illegal, so called their bluff and said I’ll call the Police if they ask me for the rent, and I’ll be staying there for the last two months – which they agreed to and left me alone! Great, so I was essentially a squatter at seventeen!
I had a brief break from the derelict shit hole, when I went on tour with my band Ass Rockits – think Turbonegro stage prop, and immature, drunk 16 year olds naming a band, and Spookey from Japan. It was a great way to celebrate my 18th birthday, but a very messy week…and many Japanese swearwords learned…
Back from tour, I was watching The Young Ones with my housemates, and I looked around our grubby, dark lounge, and realised that our house was just like The Young Ones house. My friend was just like Vyvian, which he wasn’t impressed about when I pointed it out, we didn’t have a hippy in the house, and I couldn’t say I was like any of the characters, but the house was certainly The Young Ones house.
We may have had free water, but having a bath was an effort, you’d maybe get enough for a small bath after about an hour because the boiler was so old (I’m surprised it didn’t explode). I thought we had dark, tinted windows in the bathroom, but I discovered it was a thick layer of black mould…lovely. I asked *Vyvian why there was so much mould, and he’d left it on there as a sort-of curtain so no one could see in, despite the window being so high up, and frosted glass, no one could see in anyway.
At the end of our so-called tenancy, we had a house eviction party, with a few local bands, and inviting people from the local scene round. The lounge and ground floor bedroom had a sliding wall in between them, so we set up a P.A. system, amps, and the kit needed for bands to play, we warned our elderly neighbours (but didn’t bother with crazy Claire who lived below us – she’d screech and play piano badly every morning without fail at six), and it kicked off. The bands were good, I drank too much Strongbow Super, then decided it was a great idea to jam at 2am, very badly, very drunk, and all four of us playing different songs. Then the Police came, asked for me and *Vyvian, I said they’re in there and ran for it.
Anyway, the Rock ‘n’ Roll lifestyle doesn’t need to be the cliché, I think it’s about living how you want, and having some good music involved somewhere (something Glammy, something Punky maybe…), I might have a chilled out life now, but being forced to slow down was probably a good thing in a way (trying to see the positives). When I’m feeling good, I’ll go to a gig and rock out, I just won’t drink all the Strongbow and fifty pence hairspray Vodka shots anymore. Living in the Young Ones house was a laugh for three months, and my last proper time of being totally irresponsible!
Until next time…
Jo