By George Pirounakis

Aspiring venue owners, this one is educational, not personal – but if it stings, good.

You don’t become a serious venue because you bought a PA and painted the walls black. You become a serious venue when 20+ touring professionals walk in and feel like the place is run by adults.

So here’s the reality checklist:

  • One toilet is not enough for 22+ asses. Soap in the dispensers and actual toilet brushes cost nothing and go a long way. Hygiene is not a luxury rider item, it’s basic infrastructure.
  • Catering is not a scavenger hunt. Keep some random sodas and drinks accessible in catering so we don’t have to hike through the building and dressing rooms just to grab a Coke. We’re working, not exploring your architecture.
  • When production asks for two stagehands, that means two human beings, not one guy with two arms. Load-in is math. Time is money. Understaffing to “save a few euros” usually costs you more in delays and stress.
  • Towels need to be washed, not brand new. Nobody is asking for spa treatment. We’re asking for clean. • No shower backstage? Then you provide a nearby day room. No debate. Touring crews sweat, lift, run, count cash, and do 14-hour days. Recovery is not optional.
  • You cannot charge a merch percentage if you don’t provide a proper merch area with power, lighting, grid, visibility and space to actually operate. If you want a cut, you provide infrastructure. That’s how it should work.
  • Clean your place before we arrive, not after doors. We shouldn’t walk into yesterday’s beer swamp and broken glass. First impressions matter.
  • The workday starts at load-in. That means air conditioning or heating starts at load-in, not when doors open. We’re already working long before your first guest shows up.

And finally, treat your guests like guests, not cattle. Touring crews talk. If you run a tight, respectful operation, you’ll get return business, better routing, better word of mouth. If you run chaos and penny-pinch basic human needs, you become “that venue.” You don’t need marble floors or LED walls to be taken seriously. You need standards. Start with soap in the dispenser and go from there.